Guys worth dating
For happily married people, the trials of meeting a mate are ancient history that they’ve completely glossed over.
So they often parrot off clichés like “you’ll meet the right one when you least expect it” and “you’ll find him when you aren’t looking.” When you’re on this emotional roller coaster, these well meaning statements are enough to make you want to cold clock someone in the face.
Once you and your future co-star in The Notebook 2 mutually like each other, good news! But if he seems non-murdery and, you know, maybe foreign, crack open a Stella and get your groove back.
ALT: (This is an actual Health Freak bio I came across) "Please have REAL photos of yourself. I'll cook you dinner if you'll let me talk about my start-up app that puts shelter animals in loving homes.
I will challenge you and when need be, call you on your sh*t. (Then again, you'll always have this Tumblr, Tinder Guys With Tigers.) Other Vegas Baby pics: Posing in clubs with women many levels out of their league; grabbing the bottle of vodka from a random table to snap a quick pic and hoping no one notices; fedoras, facial hair, bad suits, pick-up artist vibes. Google just bought it from me but it's still my baby." In the words of Dark Helmet in Spaceballs… You're just gonna have to settle for one of the above.
Playful, outdoorsy, health conscious.") If you're up at 7 AM for a sunrise hike, or give yourself the heavy guilt trip when you skip a leg day at the gym, congrats! Enjoy your own people, have fun at your mud runs, and please, take them off the hands of people like me, whose idea of a strenuous workout is crossing an entire outlet mall in a leisurely four hours. If Fedora The Explorer is your type, then *slot-machine noises* you've just won big. It is not my Tinder profe pic, but it was my FB profile pic many years back because my rack looks great in it.) Grainy photos taken with a webcam in the dude's basement, mere feet where he'll likely eventually store you after whatever ritual he has in mind; Smiling close-ups that reveal all of his teeth; posing next to women whose eyes he's covered with X's; sharpening his hatchet. "Fooooled Youuuu." Keep swiping, left, right, left… Sure, you're "secreting" him onto this app as we speak, but The Perfect Man will play coy, avoiding Tinder at all costs.
Related: You were wondering when baby tigers were going to come up, weren't you? But if you, like me, will only accept perfectly carved goatees on ex-Backstreet Boys members and Riff-Raff ONLY, then left it is and let's move on. Photos of him brewing beer in small batches; carelessly strumming his acoustic guitar while admiring a distant sunrise; heavily filtered pictures of him and his attractive friends at a farm-to-table brunch; selfies resembling one of the cards in the game "Guess Who?