Hanging out and dating difference
So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, to point fingers. ” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call? Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… I would say the core reason of this is that it attacks a guy’s sense of freedom and feeling of acknowledgment. Well, when a woman starts down this chain of “Why didn’t you…” it feels to a guy as if she isn’t noticing all of the other things he is doing for a relationship. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to want a relationship with all the good qualities: connection, chemistry, understanding, intimacy, attentiveness and on and on.
Most of the time I respond because they're just looking for advice/ perspective and as everyone knows, I have publicly lamented about dating in this country so I am more than happy to pass on what I have learned, if anything.
Nevertheless, I thought I should try and attempt to offer up my advice once and for all - albeit, at the risk of repeating myself.
Sure, that is the second thing we ask each other in North America, right after "What's your name? So instead, you need to find these sort of details out in a roundabout way.
You will need to carry out a careful conversation and only when it is hinted at, may you ask someone what they do or openly try to guess.
Back in Toronto, it wasn't considered strange/ too forward for a guy to approach you and either: (a) just start talking to you SOBER and/or (b) offer to buy you a drink.
Sure, you may be used to being directly asked this by a dude in Canada but over here? You see, here in the UK/ Scotland, there is a lot more happening than what would appear on the surface.When I write dating tips and relationship advice for a new mode, I am writing to a female audience.But neediness is not gender-specific – guys make the mistake of being “needy” too!Put simply, a needy person doesn’t feel good inside and then saddles the other person with the responsibility to make them feel better… whoops, “my battery died, sorry I didn’t call you back last night.” Nobody’s perfect. When you boil it all down, neediness is not some set of behaviors. When a person takes on the belief that another person is responsible for their happiness, their sense of well-being and their sense of self-esteem, then it’s guaranteed that they’re going to act needy as a result of that mindset.(FYI, we have a whole chapter on this in our new book “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want“) Even the kindest, most well-meaning, most empathetic guy won’t be able to satisfy a woman who acts needy the majority of the time. I would be pretty surprised if you never had a needy guy around you. Making someone else responsible for your emotions is a key ingredient in creating a toxic relationship type dynamic, so it’s very important to guard against doing that (as well as recognize when others are doing that towards you).