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Isn’t it nice that John has a ‘ Jewish’ brother with ties to lots of Jewish dollars to pay his way?and you’re not off the mark seeing that the US State Department is infested with Jews.It’s more that the alternatives to this arrangement are worse, both for the children and for the adults and the quality of the marriage.When a child is allowed to split the marriage, the partners suffer, as you well know from your own experience.
My recommendation to you is to see about getting your family into a family therapy situation.
If they whole family cannot go, then couples counseling for you and your husband could be quite useful too.
The structural problem in your marriage and family situation needs to be addressed and hopefully corrected.
It is especially easy for mixed families (families composed of members of prior families) to have boundary problems.
Children’s loyalties are to their old families and new spouses in step-parent roles (whether this term is used or not) are not easily listened too.