Passive girl dating
The friend who would get pissed at you for disagreeing with them in public.
The passive-aggressive friend who would make commitments and conveniently “forget” them when it suited her.
He was consistently testing her boundaries, trying to find some way to get her to sacrifice her values in an attempt to please him; her way that people will take advantage of poor boundaries.
Anyone who remembers high-school will likely recall that one toxic friend who would steam-roll over others in order to get his or her way; anyone who resisted was subject to inordinate amounts of social pressure – trying to utilize the social contract to push others into doing what he or she wanted.
After all, if you were better, cooler, or more desirable, you’d be able to stand up for yourself.
When you don’t feel as though you have anything to offer and you’re desperate for someone to complete you, you will tend to shift your boundaries and sacrifice your values for someone else in the hopes that this will prompt them to like you. They rely on obligation and allow themselves to be used – as well as live in fear of conflict or disagreement – because they don’t feel that they can rely on their own value.
As a result, I became the sort of person who was very good at finding excuses for why things had gone wrong – it wasn’t Why would I do this?
I forget what the excuse was, but it was some “togetherness” emergency – I had to go shopping with her for some trivial thing or other. In fact, that phrase – “I let her” – defined the majority of our relationship.The two-faced smilers who would be pleasant to people’s faces but had no problem cutting them down when their back was turned.How many times have you had someone – a friend, a lover, even family – pull a guilt-trip on you?These situations are often a sign of having poor boundaries – the result of a mix of low self esteem and an unwillingness to take a stand for yourself.Many people will cheerfully take advantage of those with weak boundaries; they look for people who are willing to put the well-being of others above and beyond their own in an effort to please others and make them like them.