Questions asked on the dating game show
And sometimes family objections should mean little or nothing.
But if objections come, let us say, from a parent you respect for reasons that are not easily dismissed, and if others you respect are unenthusiastic as well, you should take the objections seriously.
Decades of radio counseling, personal experience, and public and private discussions about marriage prompt me to write this list of questions for anyone contemplating marriage. Is the person your best friend or at least becoming so? This is probably the single most overlooked question among couples, especially young ones. Many people cannot not answer this in the affirmative. Over time, friendship is the greatest bond between a couple. One of the most devastating ideas of the last generation was that needing or depending upon another person is a sign of weakness. The inability to need is a sign of weakness — you are afraid to relinquish power or afraid to be hurt. Nearly always, a woman who dates a man who meets the criteria listed here can grow to find him sexually attractive.
But if you cannot say that the person you are considering marrying has become or is becoming your best friend, you need to figure out why before you decide to marry. As great as the sex may be (and great sex certainly adds to a marriage), even Hugh Hefner spends the vast majority of time doing other things. This sounds trite, but enjoying each other may actually be the single most important characteristic of a happy marriage. Dating for marriage is not an interview for a platonic best friend.
If these questions and the ones I will pose in Part II are answered honestly and help determine your decision, your chances of entering a happy marriage or avoiding an unhappy one are dramatically increased. You therefore have three choices: Make peace with the problem, see if it can be solved before deciding to marry, or don’t marry the person. Likewise if you have opposing political and social views to which you are passionately committed. The power of sex is so great that it often obscures problems of relating to one another. Do you love talking when you don’t see, let alone touch, each other — such as by phone or computer?
It is imperative that you be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Nothing in life is easier than denying problems when you are in love. It may be normal for couples to fight (though the ratio of loving moments to fights must be high to sustain a loving relationship). And perhaps most important, do you fight over the same issue(s) with no resolution? The best way to ascertain the answer is to take a month off from all sexual contact and see how much you then enjoy each other. What do people you respect think of the person you’re considering marrying?
Not only that, but information about tests and medication can vary between countries.’The advice could also be wrong.
Watch how he or she treats waitresses, employees, family members and anyone else he/she comes into contact with. Here is a rule that is rarely broken: Whatever problems you have before the wedding day, you will have during your marriage. The more you share, especially values, the better your chances of a good marriage. If you are basically happy, do not think for a moment that you can make an unhappy person happy by marrying him or her.
I promise you how the person treats others now is how this person will treat you later. It is exceptionally difficult to find the right person to marry. That is why it is so important to think through your decision by asking and answering critical questions. Do not think that marrying will solve any problem you have with the person. For example, if you think television watching is a form of self abuse and your prospective spouse loves watching for hours a day, you may have a big problem. On the contrary, the ability of the unhappy to make the happy unhappy is far greater than the ability of the happy to make the unhappy happy. How much of your love is dependent on the sex you are having?
Even for men it is common to find a woman physically attractive over time.
In my late 20s, I directed a summer institute for men and women ages 19-25.