Stop being accomadating in relationships
What bugged me at the time was that he was ridiculously agreeable.He just wouldn’t be honest in terms of ‘feedback’ or his opinion.He’s really offended – he does want people to suck up to him but not because they’re trying to get something from him; he wants them to suck up because they think he’s amazing.And then I had an A-ha moment: When we have a hidden agenda, we’re not being ourselves because we want to be what we think will get us a relationship ( or a job, popularity, an opportunity etc) or we’re passive by trying to dodge conflict, criticism and basically anything that we think is going to jeopardise our chances of getting the prize we have our eye on, we can come across as disingenuous.
My definition is a very simple one: “codependency” occurs when we put other people’s needs ahead of our own on a fairly consistent basis.
I’d forgotten about this run-in until I was watching The Office US, my bedtime watch on Netflix.
In season 3, there’s an employee who transfers from another branch and he has a gameplan of brown-nosing / sucking up to the boss Michael so that he can squeeze out another employee.
“I’m doing what everybody wants me to do,” you tell yourself, “so why do I get mistreated so much of the time?
” Indeed, this will be a real dilemma for you as a people-pleaser.